I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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