I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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