So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
