he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
