speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
