im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
