My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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