On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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