I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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