They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
