Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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