he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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