No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
