She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
