and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
