She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
