You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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