Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
