When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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