At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
