how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
