Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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