my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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