we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
