belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
