so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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