plz talk dirty to me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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