Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
