I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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