I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
