So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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