I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
