let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
