Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
