totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
