We're facebook friends in real life
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
