I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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