i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
