don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
