Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
