I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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