he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
