Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
