Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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