Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
