Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
