what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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