you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
