It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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