News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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