sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
