Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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