some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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