i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
