You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize