I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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