I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
