i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
