Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
