You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize