just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
