So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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