The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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