oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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