First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
