Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
