You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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