well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
